Believe in what we called as Takdir

Salam,

Recently, my father told me, God created us with a super-non-stop working brain, even if we are sleeping. I believe that is true. And it keeps repeating again and again. I bet you guys do feel the same about this (or am I the last to know about this?). When we have a problem, the best way of solving it, is by sleeping. Don't you ever think that if we are asleep, we don't think about the problem. It is NOT. In fact, the best way is to sleep. Why?

When we are awake, our brain thinks, but plus it is bothered by our emotion. Stress, depressed, sad, feeling-to-mock someone, are the causes that cause us not to think by brain, but by emotion. So, sleep is the best way of getting out of it. Our emotion is isolated in a form of dream, where our imagination via subconcious thinking depletes the stress and sadness gradually, while our brain, somehow, do his work while the stress is 'anaesthesized'. The result is, when we woke up, we got the solution, we got the idea, we feel much better, and the stress, although not really fully recovered, anyway, depleted a bit. Subhanallah, how great is this Allah creation.

I don't know you, but this thing happened to me all these while. From the unsolved problem of addmaths, to the case of personal things, all the ideas which I wrote in this blog, are actually from my dreams. And it comes to the fate, that my father told me, just a few days back.

It is the same thing which I've been through right now. A feeling of guilt, dilemma, which are overwheming in my head, with lots of questions, yet, if said, might eventually kill my whole relationship. A long time ago. Better be silent.

I'm deeply in dilemma right now. Disbelieve, yet I want it too.

=/

Ini Zon Keselesaan

Assalamualaikum,

As always, if not in a good mood, the place that I would go is here. Right now, my mood is 'down'. Like system 'down', shut 'down' and bla bla. My practical day ended so early today, it was all because of us. So, before making any excuses, the root of the problem is us. It's the root of the problem, but the main problem is another way around. That's one thing to clarify, first thing first that must be understood.

Anyway, I am so thankful today, that I could finally see with my own two eyes a live surgery in front of me, mastectomy surgery where the patient's left breast was removed because of the presence of the cyst inside her breast (from what I understand). But eventually, we got the chance to see that surgery only for not more than 15 minutes. Then we were told to go out. At first, we thought it was for some other reason. And, it turned out, not. The head of the surgery department (OT) which we have to appoint him, called us and started the ugly-truth-comparisons between us and the Malaysian students/system. I know it is all the truths, but then, I am all dedicated to be a doctor, a good doctor, why would compare us so violently like "even the students from UKM, UM are 25 times better than you". Like I know I am soon gonna be a Russian graduate doctor, I know what class am I in (if that what Malaysian nurses said), but, there's a way to encourage us.

Among what he said (apart of the quote) are:
1) Russians are capitalist. They all just want money from you guys, in the end, you guys are just going to be no-function doctor. That's why belambak-lambak patients died.
2. Go back and study your Physio, Anatomy, Patho, Biochemistry, Pharmaco. Revise them all. It's your foundation. Without any foundation, you cannot just come here and walk in knowing about the department.
3. Your syllabus are nonsense. Why should you be like nurse assistant? (I said, so that we could have working-based experiences), but he said NO.
4. He asked about the function of kidney, counter-current. Non of us can answer that properly. Of course, he banged us. For God sake, I had never been so angry when my I knew that my teacher taught me nothing. Came in class, and came out, minding our own business.
5. You guys should not be separated from the Russian/English medium. You guys should study Russian medium, be with the Russians.

All these mocks, babbles, somehow really struck me deeply, like very very deeply. I know, I might chose the wrong country to study in, but what I know now all that I can do is, make the best of it. Yet, 2 years of studying, I'm not making the best of it. In this point, I am guilty. Guilty for not knowing each and every single thing in my books, guilty for not forcing my teacher to force us to study Biochemistry, guilty for being in the 'comfort zone' of Volgograd graduates are actually kinda good. Apparently, it might be them, but it depends on you, back to back, it is you.

I might have to repeat all the syllabus back. No matter what it takes. Dr. Imran, thanks for being a dick, coz' I'll consider you as a challenge. You might be a specialist, sooner or later, there's someone gonna kick other Malaysian student. Right now that I understand, other Malaysian students are really messing up with oversea students.

I'm fighting for myself from now on. Go to hell Kapusta, or whatever other lecturers there. There's only one person in my mind right now. I'll be back, Dr, I'll be back.

Salam.

Mood Jatuh

Assalamualaikum,

First of all, I really wanna say thank you to Allah for providing me this oppoturnity to come back at home and enjoy My lifetime with my family. Really really thankful for it. But before I forget, special thank also to 'taman-hati-jambu' which I don't know who you are, but I kinda know who you are actually, and a bit surprising that actually someone is reading my blog so quitely. Like a spy, a typical Russian profession which is well-known. Right know I'm on the edge of falling down, I mean the mood is falling down. It is normal, for me. I don't have period, but I have this- mood swing anf migraine.

It happens (usually) because of I'm thinking over something too much, and yet headache is what I get. So don't think too much. Even about the unknowns who read this blog. I'm feeling insecure like what others might think of me if they read this. I have no intention of promoting this blog. I just don't wanna others making any sins just because how fucktard I am. Because I am that, so don't.

See told ya that I'm in my mood swing.

Perhaps I was severely disturbed by this feeling/question- "It has been almost 3 weeks you've been here, yet what you did with your family?". That was a totally snapped question. Right on my brain with super collateral damage on it. Okay, exaggerated. But, seriously, what have I done with them? N.O.T.H.I.N.G. I mean nothing that I ever imagine like I was in Russia past few weeks. And for God sake, I ain't no typing here for no reason and no action. I've got to do something, or the the-sigh-of-regrets will overwhelm me along my flight back to Volgograd.

Apart the practical that really bugging me (bugging doesn't mean it is rubbish), I have to well plan next few days after the practical, making my holidays enjoyable, memorable, famili-able. I mean seriously, I already started feeling that I'm wasting my time right now. 3 weeks of wastes. God, forgive me for this.

So, please ya Allah make my Ramadhan the best for all of us, Hj Hasan an pd Hjh Thahiroh's family, yet the best ever Ramadhan we ever had. Avoid us from any unwanted things from us, O Allah. You know how much ai love each of them, more than ever in this world.

After much time I had spent in my life, it was the first two person that I truly love. It's my mother and father. And for that 'first', I wish we could be like the old days.

It just good to be old and lame. I'm furnishing my life right now

Wassalam.

Jemale

Pendapat bodoh kadang-kadang baca pun buat sakit hati. Baru aku paham. Selamat tak semua, on the bright side. 

IM injection

Salam wbt.

Urm, kinda in the mood for blogging, why not go for it since today I got back early and slept for almost 5-6 hours worth of tiredness today. Actually I wanna make another blog for another reason, but then, making another google account is freaking killin' me. Plus with this kind of speed (internet) in Malaysia, pure torture. No wonder that --- always kinda mention me about how torturing it is when he/she's using the internet. GOD. Anyway, sorry for not updating like really updating since I'm still kinda frustrated, and as always, nothing interesting in my life.

But, now, as expected, something really came into my life, and yet, I am readied to another phase of my life. I'm marrying. Yes, I'm marrying just like Kak Yaqin and Abang Ahmed, and Abang Ramdan and Kak Aida. JUST LIKE THEM. Okeh, TAK TAK. It just something that popped out into my mind, but still wandering why so SUDDEN ma? Is not that it is to early, but SUDDEN like SUDDEN DEATH in fighting-style game. Okay, let it be the dust in my crust.

So about practical?

I'm still confused about the practical report. IS IT MUST BE Pa-RUSSKI too since the SISTER really checked our report in detail? Like a total detail, if anything wrong, we might have to re-do it again. So, if I write pa russki, how the hell is she gonna understand this. Russian language is infamous, do you think everyone in the world wanna learn it? Peeps nowadays (even the laziest) might choose Korean language to learn, not Russian. Maybe some cursing words, but not the language. It's the fact, swallow it man. And do I have to write something different per report? Like if I did the same procedure everyday, so what should I write? Please friends, give me a bit of clear guidelines on how to write this thing -.-".

Experiences

Okay, Malaysian system is a totally systematic healthcare system with everything is computerized but at the same time, manual approach is also applied. Compare it yourself, based on what I'm gonna tell you today. SO, there are 3-4 procedures that are not applied by Malaysian Hospital, since that procedure is outdated. Like the siphon tube enema, and the flatus tube (to treat bloating problem because of air) [Random procedures, I can't recall everything right now].

And then, mostly Malaysian are machine/technology-dependent with everyday daily VS (vital signs, every single doctor should know about this) data are measured and collected. Remember, Malaysia priories efficiency. Fast and exact. So, everything is made easy, push the button and the here come the result. And then, right now, we've got some nurses who are doing practical, so most of the procedures are done by them, not yet us. But I wanna do it. One day. No rush man. But, I did learn a lot from them.

I'm not like others (I think) who do the practical in Malaysia. They get one doctor per two persons. I'm not, we're not, here in Hospital Besar Kepala Batas. All doctors are super busy since the limited numbers of MO here. But, if anything we ask, they'll help. But, for Dr. Taufik, he's one tough guy to deal with. He's good at teaching, but to face him made me like a total loser. I can't recall my Biochemistry skills. But Alhamdulillah I've got some videos on the Biochemistry, so I need to refresh it back. Right now, Dr Taufiq has taught us about X-ray (normal and a bit pathological), COAD sound identification (wheeze expiration monophonic), and today we need to examine a HEP C patient. One sentence that bugged me today is "Hafidz, come here. Okay, you second year kan? Okay, I'm gonna treat just like you had finished your med school, so right now, you see this patient (Hep C) and try to diagnose, examine physically, complaints, and see the drugs and test, we gonna discuss this literally in few hours from now. Okay? See you"

*GELABAH GEBALAH GELABAH GEBALAH*

Guys do refresh you knowledge on Biochemistry, because everything is related. Drugs and stuffs. Tests and staffs. Among the wide range application of Biochemistry are, LFT (AST, ALT, ALP) CE (Creatine Kinase, ?? tak ingat satu lagi). And the normal values, are wajibal ghunnah hafal-tirovat. Just remember it. So, I had accessed certain cases, mostly not severe cases like in ICU, but merely just some understandable cases like DM type II, Hep C, COAD, Nephritis, AF, VF. SO, just like my senior said "I'll never blame my uni, they taught us well, it is us who didnt teach nothing", something like that.

I bet, my friends who are doing practical in Russia are far more powerful, since I think they learnt many things (surgeries, their equipment, injections, bla bla) back there in hot burning summer. Malaysia is also hot right now, it just luckily, here we've got air-conditioner. That's the difference.

So, tomorrow is pharmacy and few basic drugs. The next day, go to the lab, and see few basic Microbiological tests. Btw, today, I went to laboratory. Labs in Malaysia can be divided into 3, Microbes, Biochemist and Hematology. Each under one department. So, today I get a chance to see those machines to analyze the CE, Bloog grouping (no need machine la kan), BUSE, Urine FEME, and PT (Prothrombin Time).  It's all what we've learnt back then in Russia. Today was just an observation, later on, we will get the chance for hands on lab work. So no worries.

That's few thing I wanna share. I did record some vids, but, as I said, INTERNET -.-"

p.s: I think I might need some IM injection. Individu muslim injection. =)
p.p.s: I never felt this impact like I just can't forget you from the first time seeing you. God. Away from this worldly fitna.
p.p.p.s: First love sometimes intolerable.
p.p.p.p.s: Kick me for jiwanging sekarang.

Salam.

Testing blogsy for iPad

Hari ni bla bla.

Tested ma.

Episod fokus

Salam,

Setelah sekian tidak blogging,walaupun recently ada update pasal something, but eventually ada error and kena pulak tak save lagi, buat macam mana, penat penat type panjang panjang end up hilang macam tuh je, memang agak sakit hati. But then, sereiously i think ada hikmah behind that thing. Pretty much better that i didnt post than i post that entry. Anyway, thanks Allah.

Thanks Allah for blessing my life till today, giving each oppoturnity for me to pray for you, serve for you as a Muslim should be. Sorry guys, ive been busy with my practical that, i dont have any time to blog or online. Back from work, and all i think is sleep. So right now, im gonna sha few things about what i learnt during these 4 days of practical.

Okay, first thing first. Anyone of you already did this procedure, please dont underlook me for being so kagum with any of the procedure in malaysia's hospital. Jangan nak ber"eleh" dekat blog ni. Kalau dah biasa ngan malaysia, be thankful for it that you are studying in malaysia, not russia, not indonesia. Anyway, back to the topic, im doing my practical at a district hospital, hospital besar kepala batas, where mostly all the patients are not in any special case. So i wont be able to see something far more than my imagination of sick people. Mostly all these patients are acute or subacute. I learnt a lot here, but then, i think, my friends in russia learn a lot more than me. I guaranteed that i think. Haha.

So far, all that i do every morning, is round the ward, looking at each case. Try to read and apply some basic knowledge to it. And then today, i learnt about ambu bag (intensively) and laryngoscope (also intesively) since i went to ICU. All the staffs in here are super goooooddddd and never kedekut to share ilmu with us. NEVER. And one thing they do always remind us, please be a good doctor. Dont shame yourself in front of the nurse. Thats why practical in malaysia is pretty much helping me.

I learnt a lot of procedure yet few basic disease detection using x ray. Plus, we also got to know about cavafix. Buut then this is just my first week, so got another 3 weeks, lot of thing i can do. Tomorrow is about drugs. Basiv druggs being usedd in ward and in case of emergency.

And who said "jangan tunjuk kebodohan kita di depan orang lain..."? Yes i do bodoh now, but, i m not bodoh in the future, mr president. Esok, also im gonna ask about sanitary regime, what solution used for disinfection. My report per day is about 2-4 pages. Soooo long. Im doing that ikhlas, thats why it is long.

Thats all about practical, if anything you wanna ask me, just comment below, ill show what you wanna know.

By the way im still in the state of shock that ahmed and yaqin gonna marry soon haha. *takde kaitan*

Okey, for the next semester, im gonna start my professional training. I have to prepare myself to something big. Taknak bagitau since benda ini adalah berat, takut tak jadi. Im a doctor soon iA, this thing is very crucial.

Salam.

Ini hidup kita, hidup mereka.

Salam

Hidup kita berbeza dari hidup mereka. Hidup kita tampak moden, tampak bertamadun. Hidup mereka sungguhpun mudah, makan, minum,tidur. Hidup kita penuh kompleks. Itu hidup mereka. Ini hidup kita.

Hidup kita yang kita bangga dengan AKAL kita yang hebat. Kita menemplak mereka, membezakan darjat kita dengan mereka. Mereka tidak punya ilmu, kita punya ilmu. Ya, mereka bodoh, mereka tidak terurus, kita melebihi segalanya.

Seringkali sepanjang hidup aku, dirakamkan dalam bentuk perbandingan- kits dan mereka.

"Jangan jadi bodoh seperti lembu"
"Jangan lembab seperti siput"

Provokasi kecil, betapa angkuhnya kita meletakkan kita pada satu aras yang berlainan. Kita tinggi mereka tidak.

SEDARLAH KITA SEBENARNYA JAUH LAGI BODOH BERBANDING MEREKA. JAUH LAGI HINA BERBANDING MEREKA. Realiti?

Inilah reealiti.

Lihatlah dimana kita? Makhluk yang berakal? Bertelagah di sana sini dengan ideologi masing-masing. Engkau betul, engkau salah. Lihatlah mereka. Ada perpecahan, ada kebencian.

Kita makhluk yang penyayang? Berapa ramai anak kita terbuang hasil zina.

Kita makhluk berpengetahuan? Lihatlah betapa berpengetahuannya kita pabila kita ditipu mudah.

Ain't stopping yet

Salam,

After much yawning in my father's office, I stood up and decided to blog something out. Actually I wanna do something way more beneficial, but, urgh, it's a karma when we want to do something that is good, then after that we'll feel totally super boring.

Anyway, actually I have lots to blog about. But, at the time I have the idea and the mood, my lappy isn't there. Oh wait, I think I'm gonna watch Transformer 3 today at Jusco nearby my father's office. I'll start my practical next Monday. To be honest, I'm quite eager to do the practical even though the foods crying and begging for me everyday. But, anyway, I've nothing yet to eat much. Everything were checked in my to-eat-list. Roti canai, nasi arab somewhere at Kampung Pandan KL, bigMac, capati, almost everything that I've been dreaming for almost a year there in Volgograd, I've ate them all. In 3 days.

Talking about foods is pretty boring. Let's talk about something that makes people hates me.

Ini pasal BERSIH dan pendirian si penulis mengenai BERSIH. Amaran, segala pendapat yang dikeluarkan dalam post kali ini hanyalah pendapat peribadi semata-mata dan kalau nak judge-judge la, kalau anda tersalah judge saya dapat pahala jugak. Haha. Tak lawak.

Okeh secara umumnya pendirian si penulis mengenai bersih ni satu je- Matlamat murni, perlaksanaan tidak kena. Senang bukan? Salah bukan?

Apa-apa je lah. Tapi bagi si penulis, isu bersih ni sudah menjadi-jadi, yang lagi peliknya, penggerak utama bersih ini adalah dikalangan orang-orang muda yang masih sedang menuntut, masih lagi mentelaah pelajaran, pemikiran pun belum matang lagi mengenai kehidupan dengan dosa masih lagi bergelumang. Ini realiti. Tapi tak salah menceburkan diri dalam politik, selagi mana ia tidak memakan diri dan sistem sosial komuniti Islam. Pelik bukan, sasaran bersih ini kebanyakannya didokong oleh orang Islam itu sendiri, dicetuskan oleh orang bukan Islam, didana pun oleh orang bukan Islam. Pelik kan? Selepas banyak pembacaan dan juga beberapa kajian yang dilakukan orang melalui youtube, blog, end point masing-masing adalah- ada yang bersetuju, ada yang tidak bersetuju.

Cuma si penulis merasakan kunci utama kepada segala naik turun perkara ini adalah satu- Rakyat Malaysia tidak tahu bersyukur. Ye, TIDAK TAHU BERSYUKUR. Atas segala kesenangan yang dinikmati, tiada sedikit inisiatif untuk mengucapkan terima kasih kepada yang berbakti. Sekolah, pendidikan yang serba lengkap. Memang agak mengecewakan, tapi biasalah, tanyalah pakcik-pakcik yang biasa susah dahulu, mereka lebih kenal erti kesusahan. Rakyat Malaysia lebih bersifat rebellious, iaitu sifat suka menentang, walau tanpa ada sebab sekali pun. Ini terbukti apabila perkara sama dituturkan oleh Tun Dr. Mahathir. Biasalah, kesenangan semakin hari semakin tidak pernah cukup.

Satu perkara yang sering menjadi persoalan. Adakah erti bersyukur bermaksud hanya redha dengan ketidakadilan serta korupsi yang berlaku? Seringkali dilaungkan perkara yang sama "Kami mahu menjadi negara Malaysia lebih baik, bukan tidak bersyukur". Sedarlah, soal perubahan, demonstrasi yang tiada kesudahannya melainkan melagakan sesama umar Islam tiada gunanya. Tuntasnya, apabila dilihat melalui kesediaan pihak untuk menyediakan sesuatu yang jauh lebih aman, tiada perbalahan, tiada kekecohan pada satu ketika dulu, ditolak atas alasan mereka-terlampau-pengecut. Sedih, ini ayat kebanyakan anak muda yang si penulis nampak sendiri dalam laman keterbukaan suara, Facebook. Mujurlah, pihak Ambiga, telah memutuskan satu keputusan yang tepat semalam, dengan membuat demonstrasi di stadium seperti mana yang dirancang sebelum ini, atas titah yang DiPertuan-Agong.

Semalam polis berjaya memberkas beberapa orang di Kuala Lumpur atas kesalahan menyimpan barangan berupa molotov cocktail bomb, berbilah-bilah parang, KHAS DAN KHAS untuk BERSIH. Mujurlah episod ini sudah berkesudahan atas kesedian pihak kerajaan untuk membuat perbincangan semeja bersama Ambiga (pengerusi BERSIH) dan juga dengar katanya, dengan yang diPertuan Agong.

Nampak kan? Bila si penulis membuka laman facebook, perlbagai artikel dikeluarkan, semuanya melabel Malaysia ini seolah-oleh tempat neraka. Mungkin si penulis orang Melayu, kurang memahami apa yang dirasakan oleh orang bukan-Melayu, tapi ada perkara yang mampu diperbaiki dengan cara yang lebih baik, sebab kita generasi yang jauh lebih baik, dan bakal memimpin masa akan datang. Untuk si penulis tidaklah selayaknya untuk menjadi pemimpin, pemimpin memerlukan karisma, si penulis hanyalah seorang penutur yang ada hak untuk bersuara. Namun begitu, adalah lagi sedih, si penulis merupakan seorang yang lebih sayang hubungan sesama kawan, sesama Islam, apabila dilihat dari segi politik, kawan sendiri MENIDAKKAN, MEMBENCI KAWAN SENDIRI, MEMPUAKKAN KAWAN SENDIRI, MENYINDIR KAWAN SENDIRI, tanpa ada sebarang perilaku memikirkan sentimen perasaan orang lain. Dahulunya, politik nabi menyatukan orang, sekarang, even selepas pemergian Nabi Muhammad, fungsi politik itu berubah serta merta, MEMECAH BELAHKAN ORANG. Padalah Islam yang dilaungkan itu cakapnya nak bersatu. Ini bukan nak menyebelahi mana-mana pihak. Kita fikir sendiri.

Mungkin si penulis bernama Hafidz iaitu, 'memelihara', menjadikan sifat memelihara itu lebih keutamaan sepanjang hidup si penulis.

Ini cuma leteran si penulis tanpa sebarang susunan point yang sistematik. Kalau ada masa, penulis kemukakan secara point. Cuma sekarang not-in-the-mood. Tapi ingatlah, matlamat tidak menghalalkan cara. Banyak penulis diluar sana, menginterpretasikan hadis, Al-Quran, karya Islami berdasarkan matlamat masing-masing, baik kepada yang kanan, atau kepada yang kiri. Akhirnya dimana kita?

BERPECAH.

Sekadar coretan kecewa yang tak mampu diluahkan secara umum di Fb. Salam.

p.s: banyak artikel apabila bercakap mengenai hak orang Melayu, pada dasar penulis artikel tersebut hanyalah hendak menyuarakan kesamarataan hak dalam biasiswa dan sebagainya. Tapi, cubalah baca komen-komen dibawah tersebut, ada atau tidak orang yang terus membenci Islam dengan lancangnya mengatakan Islam agama penipu? Mengutuk orang Melayu Islam sebagai bodoh dan pemalas? Dan komen itu semua dari siapa? Ini orang yang nak memperjuangkan kesamarataan hak dengan hak orang Melayu?

Di mata penulis. TIDAK. si penulis lebih rela berkongsi dengan orang yang tiada dakyah agama, tiada dakyah racism. Kalau kata hendak sama rata, act like one, jangan membenci sesama kaum.

p.p.s: ketika berada di Volgograd, banyak hadis dan ayat al-Quran dikeluarkan semata-mata untuk pilihanraya kecil MSA melalui usrah masing-masing, batch masing-masing, mengecam seorang pemimpin yang tidak beragama Islam, dan meletakkan hanya kita PATUT mengundi orang yang beragama ISLAM. Tapi bila balik kepada perihal Malaysia? MANA HILANGNYA HADIS DAN AYAT-AYAT ITU? Kita tunduk dan bersikap matlamat menghalalkan cara. Again.

p.p.p.s: kepada yang ada pendapat, kalau hendak berkongsi, ada yang mahukan perbincangan, si penulis mengalu-alukannya dengan berbesar hati. iA.

Janganlah menyepi terus pun

Salam,

Its been a while since I last blogged. Right now seriously Im not in the mood. Nanti2 update lagi.

Salam.