Syed Aidid

It's awkward somehow when I put my title from a guy's name. So, let me get straight to the point.

I make this post because I respect him for what he had done all these while to us, the juniors of VSMU. He is currently 3rd year student, holding an Academic Bureau of the Malaysian Students Association (MSA). What I respect about him about is, he is who he is, don't like the others seniors I've met here in Volgograd. Yeah, different people, different approaches bla bla. But how many of us has this kind of approach- Devoting yourselves for others. Any of guys in here do that? Apart of Usrah, for me, usrah is just a simple thing. Why? To deliver Usrah, you don't need to revise the 2nd course's syllabus.

Not many of the seniors are like him. Well, maybe he's the only one I know apparently. I'm not saying that Usrah isn't as good as him, but, where else you can find someone like; few days before the exams started, he made a revision day that he wanna help the juniors to face their exam (while he was having his own exams too, even more, he's in third year with lots of things need to be read). He revised all the 3 semesters material, although just passing through fastly, he did help us a lot. But, it's absurd, lots of my seniors are much more smarter than him in term of the marks, got all 5 strikes, but fucking DO NOTHING. I will always respect him, because he is not like others, who just sit at home, studying like a psychopath, then score the exams. He plays badminton, he does religious thing, he contributes to us. What else?

Actually, he is not in the typical MARA's top student, who think about selfishness. Like my batch, I have Syukri, Pian and Husaini, who's being exactly like him, except that they would only help the batch-mates. And the most important thing is, I didn't even do the same thing as Aidid did, which mirrors my weakness in trying to contribute something to others. Sigh.

Gua repek la lu bro, keep it up!

Next up, about the Egypt thing. Stupid la !

Don't want an ending

Everything seems so fast right now. The holidays, the trains, the times, the days-left-before-I-get-to-work, all of that is getting fast, yet, I think I'm still unprepared for any of that to be happen. Ah, still another one, Kiamat, which is also getting fast, I don't know, maybe this Friday, next Friday and so on. And all of sudden many of my friends are using 'idk' that I have to google em' to find what's the meaning of that. Anyway, 'don't want an ending'   is a song sing by Sam Tsui, I bet you girls already them earlier than me. I've watched him singing since last semester, urm, around July 2010 or something because I was You-Tubing 'don't stop believing' song sang by Glee, then it came out that I found his version. Pretty good though.

Anyway, maybe today, or two or three days coming, I'm not going anywhere out of my home. I don't want that. What else can I do, my cat's Friskies already finished, pity them, they didn't have anything to eat for tomorrow. I wanna go out, but, I have some problems with my house key which totally annoys me. If go out, then certainly I can't go in back. Fuck that, really. I think I might have to call someone to come over my house and buy him pizza which somehow attracts him to come over my house, then, I can go out. But first, he must come here in my house first, or else, it'll end the same. Trapped in -10 weather, or in your refrigerator I you wanna imagine that. I'm certainly have to buy something.

Actually, I've been niat-ing all day long that I would open my Biochemistry book. ( Are you seriously BIOCHEMISTRY, isn't there another book?). Yes, I am. I would like to read Immunology, but that topic seems so hard that I barely can open that book. I mean, the PDF book, still hard to open it even with a double mouse click. -.-". Then, I ended up enjoying Rock-Kapak songs. Arghh. I am someone who is able to change my mind in a second of time. Like the flight ticket. Light me taking this medic thing. Like I was buying 1 Zara jacket, but ended up I bought 2 jackets. Like, I really wanna buy that Yonex T-shirt no matter what the price is, then when I arrive there, I didn't buy it because it is ridiculously expensive with large size. And all other likes.

And today I also had a some conversation with my family. It was actually suppose to be normal, but since my Mak Caq suddenly appear in my house, I know what will happen. Exactly, it will be about me kawenning. Please please mak caq don't drag that thing, my ears turned to read already. Arghh. Anyway, about that, later on I'll tell you guys. Earlier, I was talking with my sister, Hannah, who is on weekend holiday (?). Yeah, bla bla she keep asking me few things about MRSM Langkawi, priorly about what to buy, what she should wear, and yes, there are few things that I wasn't quite sure. I'll tell her by tomorrow what she should buy exactly, because, I'M NOT A GIRL LA in Langkawi. But I did tell her that, DON'T TELL YOUR BROTHER WAS AN EX-LANGKAWIAN. The problem is not me. The problem was caused by me, I just don't wanna her to get involve in this. With Miss KB. I bet all of the girls in MRSM Langkawi knew how I was back then in MRSM Langkawi. Anyway, Hannah, although your hair is reddish naturally, please, do not tell others about me as your brother. You didn't play Badminton, then shut up, or else they'll expect you to play as good as me. Me good kah maen kah badminton kah????!!!

Okay, about Mak Caq. Actually she was so obsessed with my wedding planning. I don't know why. She wanna arrange my wedding with flowers bla bla heaven bla bla theme bla bla. Those are the things she commonly gonna talk with me, EVERYTIME I visit her. Normal. Suddenly, she said, "I'm gonna find you a very good and perfect wife to you, you just sit there and study until you become a doctor". I was like "Mak Caaaaaq, I want Russian!!!". My mom was there too, she just laughed. But I seriously didn't wanna Russian pun. And I mentioned to her about me wanting a Cikgu, instead, she'll just "Okay, a good, perfect Cikgu then". Looking at me, I am nothing la, don't deserve anyone la. Anyway Mak Caq, I'm gonna be single until I am 37 :P, maybe at age of 38, you can find me one. Yeay.

Got to go. Nothing urgent, but my cats are starving to death. =) Bye bye.

Salam.

Jumaat: Gamble

Salam.

Damn damn damn, hari ni hari Jumaat, seriously tak teringat nak baca surah Sajadah. Ahhhhh stress. Bukan hape, stress sebab rugi la kan ingat senang nak bangun subuh on time okeh, before azan okeh. Well, actually tuh sebab gi gamble memalam tido awal semalam dalam pukul 12 40 camtuh, dengan tak sembahyang isya'. Okeh, sound kaper, tapi sesaje buat kot kot boleh bangun, but it worked!! yeay. Aduuuh, stress la cam ni kan tadapat baca surah sajadah, setelah sekian lama tak baca surah tuh time sembahyang, apart of sesaja baca macam menyanyi (bukan dalam tandas eheh) kan, so sekali sekala teringin gak nak sujud sajadah.

Sebab the only time I have is now, during the holidays. Pfft la pfft la.

Lama gila tak main badminton, so petang ni kena pegi training jugak. Since the competition are coming around, i think i should go to gym. Tolong eh, saya pegi bukan untuk bentuk badan eh, berketul ketul macam biceps di atas biceps eh, bukan eh, saya pegi sebab nak agility and tangan yang super kuat. ITU JER. Adalah suka okeh dapat smash kuat kuat nanti. Gosh i hate everything that orang cakap 'eh ko buat ni nak tunjuk kat pempuan ko kuat ehhhhhh?!!!', i was like "wtf?"

okeh hari ni hari jumaat, kena pergi smbhyg jumaat walaupun jauh. wuwuwuwuw tau tak orang orang di malaysia patut bersyukur masjid dekat, tuh pun malas nak pegi. ceh. aku pun same je act.

gtg, bye2. salam.

Sabar

Salam.

Life goes pretty boring. I didn't go anywhere today, except that I just hugged my kittens, slept with them and heard them purring so loudly. Seriously my kittens purr so loudly, you can even hear it 4 meters away, not like those kittens in Malaysia. Sometimes it might sounds so annoying, but sometimes it could a perfect lullaby for me to sleep. Like now, I wanna sleep, after I ate my cheesecake which I made them yesterday.

Anyway, pukul 12 tadi I was so cuak nak mati. Cam, tetibe dalam bilik terdengar someone clicking something in my room, while I was sleeping in the ruang tamu. Creepy though. Yesterday I slept at 7.45 a.m something like that, sebab seriously tak boleh tidor langsung. Tapi skrg baru pukul 1:40 pagi, tu pun, lepas aku bangun pukul 11 tadi. Sebab nak sembahyang, sebab tak baca Al-Quran lagi, and kena buat some washing.

Hidup aku, zaman gila babeng punya time sekolah was pretty a loser. No one ever recognized me. Neither boys nor girls. That time, I just thought that pergi sekolah it is for belajar, that's why I worked hard for it. And I ended in Russia right now. Honestly, I felt not worth it. But syukur. And back then in school, I have problem with my sabar. It can be my temper/patient. Because I have problems with 'waiting'. I can't wait for something, I just want it to be done as fast as I can and I get the result as fast as possible. But it proves that kalau kita sabar tunggu, we'll get the best, because it is the right time.

Macam kawen, I think I just should sabar. *Okeh jangan mimpi la kaw nak kawen-kawen*. Macam nak melancong ke Eropah, I think I just should sabar. Macam nak camera DSLR, I think I just should sabar. Macam this year punya cuti, sori kengkawan I AM GOING BACK TO MALAYSIA, SINCE WE'VE GOT MORE THAN 3 WEEKS PUNYA CUTI. Worth it. Sebab kalau cuti 2 minggu lebih, mmg better tak yah balik malaysia, but more than 3 weeks, berbaloi-baloi. So I'm planning on going on vacation too. Where? I haven't decide it yet. I feel so damn perfect.

Anyway, that time kan nak dekat raya, my flight maybe around 26 August tuh, so, raya 31 August, so still tak sempat. Hope I've got my visa keep safe and sound in my pocket. =)

Urat Melayu

Salam,

Everything seems kinda boring right, except blogging (1 per day). Okay, seriously, everything is boring, just by blogging can make things less boring. I mean, living lonely in a big house, in Russia, during winter break, is very very boring. I did all the things, cook, made 2 cheesecakes, played with the kittens, farted, blogging, you-tubing, face-booking, all of that stuffs I already done, and in fact, I keep repeating all those things without any new ideas to come in my mind. This is sick. Todays, I ate 1 Fille-O-Fish, 1 fish-roll, 1 big glass of Sprite, and 1 glass of Vanilla shake in at McD. When I was on my way home, I thought of going to Adidas center, which located about 1 KM from house. So, I made the call to walk to there. In middle of heavy snow. With shuffle-breakdance slippery walkway. Eating the snow on my mouth.

That was pretty fun though.

The best thing was, I shopped everything I wanna shop today. Well at least today, I don't know for another 2-3 days coming. I bought a Topman shoes, and an Adidas shoes. Cheap enough but look good. I just bought them just because my shoes aren't appropriate enough for this winter, so I just have to buy a leather shoes. Two actually. That Topman shoes priced about 506 Rubles, which is around RM 51. Cheap huh? But still, life is pretty boring, that's why I blog this 3.00 a.m (right now), because I don't have anything to do. 

*Dude, read the Koran!*

   Done. Just before I write this actually. I was thinking of opening the Biochemistry book, but that is HARAM !!! I can't open the book before the semester started. I was just wanna take a look, since my first semester I didn't learn anything, seriously ANYTHING! HET ! But my Biochemistry marks all of sudden was okay. Which I do not understand until now, how can I deserve that mark? Pfft. 

Right now, since I was so jealous of my friends who went out from Volgograd and then going to UK, watching football match, I think, I'll plan for my next summer break vacation. I'm planning to go straight to Spain, Germany, France and lastly at Netherland. Like this ticket: 

So about Urat Melayu, actually I've been thinking about this earlier, just I've always forget when it comes to the moment of blogging. Actually, I was confused totally by this whole Malay term, which is urat. Since I learnt Anatomy (ecececeh) with all the nerves and arteries and veins, actually back there in my village, all these veins, arteries, and nerves, are actually in the same terminology, URAT. When some people got his blood vessel blocked by something, they'll say "urat die kena block". I mean, I get that 'type' meaning of urat. And all sudden, here comes another urat, like, "tengok lengan orang tuff tuh, urat timbul timbul, hawt la!". Which is still, I've got the imaginary meaning of the urat means, by defining it as veins or arteries. And then when someone chopped someone's leg, like "kaki dia tak boleh gerak la, urat di putus, urat yang belah belakang tumit tuh", which is I define it as, ligament, or to be specific Archille's tendon. Okay, right now WTF is URAT? That's not all, some also said urat is also a nerve, which, kinda acceptable to me, since the full name is urat saraf. It makes a lil bit sense to me. But those other 3 situations, can some puh-leaz tell me?

Anyway, got to go. This is gonna be serious.

Salam.

Moscow

Salam.

After much discussion with my dad, I've made my decision. I'm not going to Moscow for safety purpose. What I have to do right now, withdraw some money and then pay my naqib back. Responsibility is a responsibility, I can't escape from it.

Anyway, I wish my friends a safe journey to Sochi, Mesir, UK, Spain or whereever else. Insya-Allah.

Salam.

Damn la !

 Salam.

See all those picture in my blog? I made it myself. I was stressed out today. And yet it's getting worse and worse. Wanna know why?

1.  Post-exam syndrome is almost killing me.

I read lots of books, lots of notes, and all of sudden, I felt like a hung-over emptiness. No books to read, perhaps traumatized by the books. Yes, I read books like crazy- opening 3-4 books and try to read all at once. It's anatomy. But anatomy wasn't that scary as Histology, which I was raped totally by the lecturer, Ala. Yes, her name is Ala, and hell-no I'm forgetting her after all that she had done. I'm not frustrated with my result, indeed I accept it as the way it should be which- I deserve to get 4. But The way she treated her students during the exam was unreasonably acceptable by me. Man, she was so bias. And that's suck! One of my friend, she's an Indian, maybe she's reading this (hye Meera !!), was failed by Ala. What I felt once I heard the she didn't pass the exam as I did, I am totally pissed off (and peed off too!!!). Man, life is SO UNFAIR, no matter what my religion said, I still think that life is so unfair. Some were born in a starving family in Africa, while others born in a 'garden of BigMac'. Life is unfair that we'll just have to cope with it. I was thinking, can someone kill her? Dude you cannot fail someone JUST LIKE THAT, while there's other who you should fail them off, but you didn't !! Argh, I was so stressed out by this, that I felt so injustice towards my friend.

Damn, this is so mother Russia !!

2. About the jaulah thing, I'm considering it back. Since, the Domodedovo International Airport in Moscow was bombed hardly this evening, I'm totally considering to risk my life on the line to go to Moscow this 28th of January. I've got larger responsibilities. 31 peoples were killed, and many of them were injured. I've wrote an email to my father, asking his opinion whether I should go or not. I'm willing to pay the money back to my usrah's naqib. My mom surely won't permit me to go there. Because a mother is always a worrier. Although I'm landing in another airport in Moscow, which is Sheremetevo International Airport, but man, ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN !!! Like anything can happen today, and it happened.

God save, me give me hidyah !!

Salam.

3: 31 AM

Hye and Salam.

Late in the morning, and yeah I'm suppose to sleep at this time. Well practically I'm not going to sleep this time, because yeah, tell me how many times you get a totally free time in your whole life? So, I'm considering the fact that, 2 weeks post-exam-break is a very big thing which I shouldn't waste my time to. See, you guys got the life, while I was not back then. Post-SPM breaks supposedly had to be the most joyful and you-get-what-you-wanna-do and without-wardens life (except for KTJian).
Well actually I'm having problem with my Circadian cycle, where my day turns to night and vice versa. Just now I watched Episode 13/14 of House series (season 6), which brought me to a big a question- 'Is blogging about my life gonna get even more worse like I'm gonna write what me and my future wife did every single day?'. It looks, to a larger extent, it might be true. Nevermind. Actually I'm blogging this out to answer my 3rd post's title, something like 'does my religion don't give a damn about failure?'

Actually it is. My religion does not give a damn about failure.

Which left you a total moronic head, if you believe that's true. You tried hard for everything, you get what you earn somehow. It doesn't has to be like 'Yo, I read that book twice but I still got C, so wtf?'. You don't get anything that you didn't deserve, theologically, not physically. Because living in this world do sucks a lil bit, but, I realize that, I get what earn to get it. You earned towards failure, you get it.

I earned towards being fucked up with the girl that I loved, and yeah, blame me because God already know that I'm not the best for any girl in this world, for some reasons that me and God only knew. I just knew it, but I keep denying it. I had a crush, lately with a girl, not pretty much, but she's kind. And I'm not that type of 'kind', so she's not so for me. In fact, none of girls in this world meant for me. Well, Hafidz, you just stepped back to reality where you can see this world as it is- a courtesy of life. Enough about this. Sorry for bragging this up. Seriously, if anyone who likes me, then she hates me, you guys should thank God for that, because, it's the right thing to do. The same goes if I make you to hate me. About that girl, I've no feeling towards her anymore. She should be lucky.

Anyway, about that 'failure' thing, actually I just had enough listening to 2 these kinds of situation. Most Malays (Muslims) who failed, or didn't get any excellent marks they would just say "Pasrah and redha". Yes, in the sense that it is comforting you after a bloody-disappointing-failing-rush, it might work. I don't mean that we should be like others who are non-Muslims, who gets to stress out when they didn't get what the worked for. I'm talking a major part of Muslims. You know, if you keep saying that 'The sky is blue, and how beautiful is Allah's creation', we are so gonna be left out. That's why we will never gonna stand up, because we didn't doubt and put question mark in every single thing that we see, because we just accept it like God meant it to be happened. This is totally wrong. We believe in God, but God doesn't mention anything that we have to believe Him, directly. How can you love someone if we didn't know her?

Tepuk dada, tanya selera.

Salam.

Penat

Salam,

Post-examination syndrome is haunting me right now. I mean, 'boring' like hell there's nothing else to do. Please, don't say to me "go read Koran", because I have times for that. I mean it's like boring like you wanna do anything else except the religion things. Sorry, I'm being me. Today hopefully gonna be a good kickstart for me, since, finally I woke up for Subuh on time. Hey, I'm a human too. Mostly I slept around 3-4 a.m during that exam week, with unproper eating. Yes, I did spent most of my time reading that damn books without understanding a thing, but hey, I'm still alive today. ^.^

Most of my friends go on a vacation this winter break. It's absurd for me though. I'd really really wanted to go to any European country. Sadly it was because of my money, that I just could go to Moscow. Actually, I'm going to Moscow for a program, which is called 'Jaulah' or whatever-that-sounds like that. It's awkward, though. I mean, if I told my friends that I'm going to Moscow for Jaulah, and they were like "Whatttttt?" and some of them exaggerated like: "Fuh, Alhamdulillah, nanti jadi Naqib aku eh?". I'm not blaming them for saying that, because, it's normal for them to react like that, since, looking back on who I am, it is pretty much appropriate to say like that. I would do the same if I were them. But, seriously, WHY JAULAH, WHY NOT SOCHI?

First of all, it's because my usrah's naqib (Radzi) took an effort for me, which is why he bought me the tickets (flight okeh?!!!) to-and-fro Moscow. I just got two choices, depending on my money status, which is actually on edge of pokai especially in the end of the month: It's either I'm going to Moscow which is gonna be free, or Sochi which I can have fun there. Anyway, although sincerely I'll feel awkward about this Jaulah thing, why not I give it a try, right? Who knows it'll be fun though, right?

Okay, I've badminton training today, so I'm gonna rest a lil bit before I went there. =) 

My religion said failure is normal?

Salam.

Hye everybody. It has been so so so so so so so so so long since I didn't update anyone about anything. And it has been so so so freaking frustrated when I looked at my computer, then my computer said to me: "Hey mangkuk, bace anatomy la, what are you thinking I'm porn or what staring at me !". See, that's why I just can't actually quit just like that. Anyway, anatomy is not a worst thing. Histology WAS the scariest exam of all. Maybe a lot of my friends really didn't get it when I said " I'm so so gonna be dead for Histology". Seriously, I thought I was gonna be dead.

Histology was really hard, with lots of unpredictable things like; you can get out-of-no-where slides, long and complex questions with lots of embryological things to explain, and out-of-book clinical questions. Which means, out of all these things, the only thing that looks much easier is, don't open the book because it's not worth of trying. As for me, I'm not saying that I gave up for Histology. Nope, but, I was trying, at least a bit, because what I aimed is not like what others aimed. I didn't aim for any excellent marks. I just wish me to pass the exams. For God sake, please just let this thing passes (already passed actually, like it was today -.-") like I wanna take a ride with time machine and stop when I am marrying Lisa Surihani. I'm not a genius, not like others who are geniuses but stupid at the same time. I mean, I got the 'true colors' of these geniuses are, apparently it showed up during the preparatory period just before the exam.

You did't tell others when is the consultation, and even more YOU FUCKING RETARDED GENIUSES didn't tell others, what to wear, what to bring, what to do, what gonna happen during the exam, while you just bloody went to the consultation and when you went back at home, you bloody sat at home and revised your thing WITHOUT ANY GUILT AND RESPONSIBILITY to others. Whiiiiiich you break my whole 'giving-positive-expectation' that somehow kinda parallel with Islamic teaching. You know what, you're just...

whatever.

I was just disappointed, really. Selfish ass.

Story 2: You, again?

I don't know, 2 exams passed, even though without any flying colors, nevertheless, past few days, I was just dreaming. Which I don't know, it was so random, bringin me back all my black memories. With you. Why? Why? Why?

Being crushed like a sardine-tin was extremely painful which I cannot forget and syukr that I was already cured. But it's coming back to me now. Please, I want my peace back, hopefully it was all because of the exams that I was just burdening my head with all sort of thing. I even dreamed of spinal cord. -.-"

Token of appreciation:

I wanna thanks everyone who helped me for my exams; All my housemates, Syed Aidid, Syukri, Meera Banu, and those others who involved.

Anyway, my sister Hannah Hazirah, as I already informed in my Facebook, got MRSM Langkawi, and she's gonna register there in 7 February. Congratz Mek Nah, hope you'll be better than me, because your brother was nothing there back in the last 2 years. =) My do'a will accompany you. Study elok-elok.

Salam. =)

Yet

Let us just forget it, please? Some people just can't accept what happened today, and yet of course some people like me can accept it. I know it's hard. Nevertheless I know that I'm not entitled to say this, but, let me say a word or two about his. Exam is not everything, and bla bla. People said that to comfort others. Yes, they would say it to you. Not me, unfortunately. Not getting what we want in exam is very painful. It's like we'll trailing this pain in the ass for at least a month, (me: 3 months at least). I know that.

Anyway, Alhamdulillah today, it's enough for what the God gave me. Just waiting for another 4 days, and here come Histology and his ripper gun. Yet, I don't prepare anything. Blank. Today, I think I just should rest after one long (?) day. Anyway, regarding the matter above, yes I did see my friends disappointed by their results. Please guys, feeling disappointed it's normal, yes you can just feel it. For me, this pain teaches me something. And that pain taught me much, as I will never expect anything good for my exam. Expect less, get more, then it's okay. Rather than expect more, get less, even a tiny bit lower, it's so freaking disappointing.

That's my point, get it?

Anyway, I've got long way to go, Histology. God please save me. Ahhh. And what you'll see in the next episode of this blog, is my disappointment, cries, tears, being an ass in this blog. I mean, for real. Seeing my friends saying to each other: "wah, congratz guys, you're so BG (stands for Budak Genius) !!", while again, I'm not.

I guess, I'll eat ice-kacang-snow this coming Saturday. T.T

Bye-bye. Salam. Gonna sleep.

Exam

I'm in the exam mode, which is why I made this blog. Obviously it's all about 'me releasing my stress in here'. So welcome to my new blog where lots of thing I will write, and write. I must write anyway, just don't know what to write yet. Apparently yes, but I have lots of freaking questions, so high-heel-no, I can't blog right now. Bye tata.