Light and Shadow

Salam,

The most stressful week, yet, the most saddest part of life when I was in here. This week even was even worser than past weeks that I had been through. See, it's Thursday, and I barely can hold my fingers to write. It's a toughest week, the week that I wish and keep wishing that somewhere in my hippocampus for it disappear, or at least, be my invisible memory. If I am in Malaysia, this surely has a cure. Go-back-home is the only solution I have to release this such amount of stress, sleep-deprived mind from this worldly lies. Seriously, I am in the state of demotivated.

Seriously, there is a difference between getting a good mark, and doing the best in tests/exams.

I usually keep my pace on keep doing my best  in each test in here, because I don't believe in such good marks in here. But this week, it went totally wrong, that, I just couldn't forgive myself. Yes, I did stay up till 3 a.m, and  the effort didn't worth each second, minute, hour I spent on that night. Yes, it didn't worth a piece of junk! I am not blaming God for this. And I believe that I gave my best effort for this test. But I just couldn't forgive myself for each mistake I have made. Every single of it! It is very painful when you didn't give the best...indeed.

It was just wrong. Wrong. Wrong. I am not worry about the marks, I don't even care about getting 3 or even 2, as long as I give my best.

They said, when things go wrong, look what you have in your life, and surely you'll be thankful for it. I looked at what I have. Family, brothers, sisters. And I all that I just saw was, I just let them down. Seriously, didn't I? And they also said, this is just a test from Allah, there's something behind this test. I just couldn't understand this. At first. So light and shadow.

We see light, we can see through light. Light always brighten our life. Especially at night, where darkness limits your sight. But, although it brightens you and makes you see, anyway there's always a shadow behind everything you see. And again, wasn't the light supposed to brighten everything, but why there's still shadow? Why?

Because He wants us to learn, life is not just the thing you see, but there's thing you can't see. Maybe my effort (light) is enough to see every single thing (giving my best in tests) in my room, but, there's always a shadow (imperfection). I see that, effort and tawakal is parallel. Tawakal. Tawakal!

When we said tawakal, it doesn't mean you will get a good result ahead of you, it means EVERYTHING THAT YOU'LL GET IS THE BEST FOR YOU!

Salam.

p.s: And that is why I am totally PISS OFF  when someone said to me 'Good Luck'. Because luck cheats you. Destiny not. It's better to say "All the best" or "Selamat Menjawab". And if someone said Good Luck to me, and already the feeling that the 'luck' already gone. Seriously.

Assalamualaikum Wahai Tahun Baru 1433 Maal Hijrah

Assalamualaikum,

panjang salam kali ini, yet, pendek untuk nak dikatakan. Ingatkan minggu ini habis dua concluding sudah aman damai hidup. Tidak! Tidak mungkin sama sekali. Kepenatan badan ini tiada toleransi. Minggu depan Isnin ada lagi 2 concluding session, Therapy dan Microbiology. 'BALA!' itulah yang aku cakap ketika aku mendengar cikgu mengumumkan perihal tersebut. Penat tak habis, sudah datang lagi tests? Ya Allah penat nya!

Tatkala membaca post junior tadi, dia mula merungut perihal penat dan usahanya terhadap Biochemistry, tidor lambat sampai pukul 1.30 pagi. Tidak dinafikan, usaha dia memang tinggi! Untuk menelaah satu pelajaran, supaya memperolehi markah baik, walaupun pada akhirnya, dia mungkin kecewa dengan markah yang bakal diperolehinya, namun tekad nawaitu azalinya ingin menjadi doktor yang baik dengan mementingkan ilmu adalah sesuatu yang hebat.

Namun begitu, dia harus istiqamah. Istiqamahlah dalam usaha. Ilmu itu bukan untuk menjawab 5 depan lecturer. Ilmu itu mungkin didatangi dengan 4 pada mulanya. Insya-Allah, dengan istiqamahlah, ilmu itu sebenarnya akan memberikan anda '5' dalam hidup anda nanti. Yakin dan tawakal. Setiap orang Allah menetapkan pangkal hujung usaha mereka berlainan. Ada yang usaha sedikit, ada yang usaha banyak, walaupun kesudahan memperoleh kedudukan yang sama, keputusan yang sama. Tapi yakinlah, sedikit anda perolehi, ada banyak lain yang Allah berikan (cuma kita tidak sedar). Lebihnya orang lain, ada kurangnya jua pada mereka. Ini semua ketentuan Allah, Maha Adil Maha Kuasa.

Mungkin anda melihat usaha anda 1.30 pagi itu sudah melebihi. Saya jujurnya, hampir setiap hari tidur pukul 2.30 pagi dan ke atas. Selalunya sampai 3.00 pagi dan keatas. Kalau 2.30 pagi tuh pun sebenarnya tak nak tidur. Disebabkan rasa bersalah kepada otak, yang terlampau 'over-pressure', kadang-kadang ada patutnya kita berhenti, dan berserah. Berserah tidak bererti 'tutup dan bye-bye'. Bacalah balik agar kita tidak ketinggalan ilmu. Tidak dinafikan, aku sendiri punyai daya pemikiran yang amatlah lemah, tapi lemah itu harus diperbaiki, bukan membuat satu alasan untuk menutup. Binalah tampalan atas kelemahan itu!

Usahalah bersungguh-sungguh! Betulkan niat, bukan untuk dapat 5, bukan untuk mendapatkan ilmu dengna sempurna. BUKAN! Niatlah anda ingin menjada agama Allah, niatlah anda ingin membantu keluargamu, masyarakatmu, dirimu sendiri, insya-Allah, Dia akan membantu.

Salam.

p.s: selamat tahun baru!

20.11.2011

no offense, saja nak update blog sebab tarikh. again.